Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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