She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
