I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
