Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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