she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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