I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
