I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
