You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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