Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
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