I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
