Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
