so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
