I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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