so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
