There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
