trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
