remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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