when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
