you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's always time for handjobs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
