just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
