Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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