That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
