at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she peed on how many people?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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