i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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