fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
