we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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