I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
