I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
