My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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