I wish my penis had an off switch
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
