i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
