Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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