apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
