I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
