very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
