I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm jealous of your bromance
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
