My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he was CRYING into my vagina
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
