Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
