my mouth tastes like poor choices
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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