You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
