Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
