it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My ATM looks so different sober.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
