This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
