Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
