we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
