whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I party with great urgency now.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
