Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
