You can't special order awesome
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
