Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize