No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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