just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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