is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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