My room smells like vodka and shame
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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