It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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