she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
