we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
