I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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