I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
