but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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