I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
