He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
