There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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