you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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