White coat. Heels.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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