If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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