There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
