The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
