I just threw up on my dentist
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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